Podcast on queer/queering sex

You guys have to listen to this episode. Tina Horn interviews the manager of my favorite toy store in New York (sorry Babeland; can’t beat the Pleasure Chest’s selection!) in an amazing conversation about queer as the opposite of capitalist in the context of sex: sex that is creative and not procreative, that takes up time and money and is solely for the purpose of pleasure and personal expression.

Listen to the episode here.

Pangs of jealousy when they talked about just how much creative queer sex they have.


2015 QTN search terms

I kept endlessly endlessly entertained by ButchWonders’s “Search Terms” posts which happen once a month. BW’s are pretty hilarious and interesting; so I decided to look through my own. I mostly found a bunch that made me want to think/discuss/hug the person who googled. But also several that made me ‘lol’. I got a whole lot about binders, reviews for binders, binding with a large chest; I’ll ignore all those because that info is up on this site and I’ve said all I can say about binding a large chest. As for the rest of them, Imma put them into categories:

The ernest:

  • feminism dating social anxiety – Yep. Dating while feminist is oh so frustrating sometimes. I hear ya.
  • self-improvement – I look this up a lot. The internet has a lot of crap to offer, but also some wisdom.
  • why is boredom the worst – Why? Because it’s not based in reality. It’s your mind saying “I’m not doing enough right now”, but it’s often a projection of something else. I can be doing nothing and not be bored, or I can be doing a lot and be bored. It’s just an emotional state, and that can feel pretty confining.
  • what to do if you accidently grab a boob – Oh. I don’t know. Freak out I guess.
  • are clarks for queers? – I wanted to make fun of this one at first. But honestly, I feel for the (presumably female-identified) person who asked the internet this. It was probably asked in ernest. Answer: No! Clarks (presumably Desert Boots) are for everyone!! They’re great for queers though because they are available in all sizes, so are completely unisex, and they cross over boundaries of gender expression: they go with slacks and button-downs, tights and skirts, jeans and flannel. They are literally for EVERYONE. That being said, they’re often associated with more masculine style (unisex styles often are, which is B.S… but I digress), which may make feminine-presenting people uncomfortable, and that’s ok. But if you like the style, they do not invalidate your femininity, your straightness, your closeted status, your gender, whatever you’re anxious about. See here and here for styling tips.
  • heteronormativity? effects everyone – Typo aside, this makes me go YES. Heteronormativity affects everyone. It’s the worst.
  • screwed up shoelaces – I don’t totally know what this is about. But shoelaces are hard. I feel for you.
  • curvy tomboy – I have googled this many-a-time. There are a few wonderful resources out there but overall it’s very hard to find representation.
  • gender rebels – Oooh, I like you.
  • how to be confident if you have gender nonconforming body – I could rant about this all day. I hate that this is even a question. Just know that you are perfectly wonderful the way you are. Whoever you are.
  • sexist pricing – See “wage gap”, “pink tax”, “things that make me angry part 486, section B”. Life is unfair.
  • does a passion for a career signifies god’s apprpval – This is an interesting philosophical question. As an atheist-ish, I would say that my definition of “God” is love, wisdom and truth; so in that sense, if you are passionate about your career, presumably you gain something from it, and you feel love and truth and wisdom. But this ignores that many people struggle with these things, and with their careers, and it’s not that god disapproves just because you are unhappy with your career. Even if you’re unhappy working in a homeless shelter, God may still approve; and if you’re happy working as a human trafficker, God probs doesn’t approve. It’s not about your career; I feel as long as you continue to grow toward love wisdom and truth, God approves. Make sense?
  • im a bad friend and mess in mind – Aww. Acknowledge the problem, learn to love yourself, practice empathy. Then you can be a good friend. It’s never too late.
  • camping – I love camping.


  • tomboys and their sexual life – A tomboy doesn’t kiss and tell. Except when we do.
  • nerd captured by lesbians – Is this a fetish?
  • sexy tomboy lingerie – … Actually this doesn’t make me uncomfortable. Let’s talk about tomboy sexuality, and how it’s so often overlooked because hyperfemininity/high-femmeness is the standard in porn and lingerie and advertising.
  • sexy soft butch – Redundant. Soft butch is always sexy.
  • a beautiful girl dressed in boy clothes lesbian pictures – Erm, might I recommend tumblr for this…

The puzzling/how-do-i-google?

  • the shortest distance between 2 points which can never meet – This isn’t a math blog. But I’ll do my best. Are you asking about the distance between two lines which can never meet (two parallel lines)? See below (shortest distance from a point to a line). There are other ways of doing this, but: if you know that two lines are parallel, pick  a point on one of the lines, and use the formula below to get the distance to the other line. Or if you’re asking about the shortest distance between two points, just do sqrt((x_1-x_2)^2+(y_1-y_2)^2).
  • the shortest distance from a point to a straight line is – If the point is (x_0,y_0) and the line is ax+by+c=0, then the distance is given by abs(a*x_0+b*y_0+c)/sqrt(a^2+b^2). I can do a post deriving this if you’d like. It’s pretty fun. According to my definition of fun.
  • the sshortest distance betweet two boys is a line – I just don’t know.
  • ok i was told to wear casual at my first job in a club what will i wear plz adviz? i am a lady, wich exactly… – This got cut off. Best posted on a forum and not on google search results. You can also google “casual club wear for ladies”? Keep it concise, ye fair googler.
  • i’m not your grandmother tommy but i did – DID WHAT? DON’T LEAVE ME IN SUSPENSE! (Wait… this is actually a line from Cloudburst, the bestest lesbian movie ever. That and “codependent lesbian space alien seeks same”. I still think this is a funny thing to google, out of context. Hehehe.)
  • im very nerdy and sensitive lesbian – well hello there!

The “just no.” queries:

  • how to accidentally grab your crush’s boob – Not what I had in mind when posting about that embarrassing incident. Don’t do this by accident. Just don’t.
  • how to grab my crushs boobs – See above.
  • crush grabbed her boobs – If you saw this, I guess good for you?
  • i’m an hiking addict – No. You can’t be addicted to such a glorious thing. There is no 12-step program… there is a 120,000 step program and it’s called the Appalachian Trail.

The beautifully poetic:

  • 1 february 2015 rhaphsody of realities – I don’t know what this means but it’s beautiful.


  • charlie brown and relationships – Charlie Brown surely has some wisdom to offer about relationships. Way more than my blog.
  • picture of therapy – Like, a picture of someone lying on a couch I guess?
  • the nerds blod life – What…
  • nerdy lesbian fitting in clothing store – again.
  • “the shame” nerd – Were you looking for Brene Brown? Nerds who are ashamed in general?
  • how many girl nerds are lesbian – Probably a bunch. Probably not all. They still might not go out with you if they’re straight.
  • air travel for dummies – Drink lots of water. Wear comfortable shoes. Wear clean socks and deodorant for your fellow passengers’ sakes. Bring something to read, listen to, play, make, write, etc., so you aren’t bugging your fellow passenger who has her headphones in and her eyes closed pretending to sleep because she just lost her grandma, is going through a breakup, is sleep deprived, and really doesn’t want to talk to anyone on your 2 hour flight together… (speaking from experience.)

There you go! A whole bunch of ways people found this blog.

Why I love Aziz Ansari and the state of comedy today

Aziz Ansari is one of my favorite comedians. He’s had some standup specials (i.e. Dangerously Delicious) that are so spot-on. As an American of Indian descent, he’s hitting a comedy niche of second-generation non-white Americans so hard it’s incredible. But he’s not just hitting that niche: he’s expanded his comedy to be relatable to everyone, to further conversations about double standards for women, and to reflect a new progressive attitude that wouldn’t have been rewarded in comedy 15 years ago. By mixing political with personal and good old fashioned hilarity, he showcases versatility in his comedy that he defies boxes and genres and niche audiences.

So I’m really excited about this: he’s coming out with a Netflix show!!! And his real-life parents play his parents on the show! And it’s smart. He’s incredibly savvy, fresh, and authentic in his take on where we’re at today as a country, in relation to xenophobia, ethnic stereotyping, even agism and sexism.

If comedians like him can make it, that disproves every bitter straight white male comedian who gets away with saying racist, sexist, classist, ageist, homophobic stuff because he “hates everyone equally”. No, white straight male privilege is still white straight male privilege. Attacking a bunch of minorities doesn’t make you an equal-opportunity hater. South Park somehow gets away with this by parodying that humor through the lens of little kids: it becomes farce. I’m not a fan of the show though because it’s still humor focusing on how to keep hating and tokenizing people rather than talking about how ridiculous this hatred and tokenization is. But nonetheless, it was a thing in the 90s and at the time, THAT was progressive.

And it made it REALLY hard for non-white-straight-male comedians to succeed because in ordre to do so they had to define themselves in opposition to that culture. They had to beat everyone to the punch: “Yes, I know I’m [ethnicity/race/sexuality/other distinguishing characteristic] and here are all the stereotypes I embody.” That eventually evolved into: “Yes, I know I’m [ethnicity/race/sexuality/other distinguishing characteristic] and here are the stereotypes I don’t embody.” They were combatting the stereotypes but still, by necessity, focusing on it.

So now I feel like we’ve evolved as a culture, enough to allow outspoken comedians of all types find success on stage. Ansari found success not only in pointing out, in very smart ways, the ridiculousness of his experiences in a white society, but also the ridiculousness of how women are treated, of modern dating, of hip hop culture, of everything else. His part on Parks and Rec (one of THE BEST comedy shows, up there with 30 rock and Happy Endings, in my correct opinion) was so wonderfully done, playing off the actor’s real life. I love Tom Haverford.

What really gets me excited about all these shows is that I no longer feel like I have to be a buzzkill because I “can’t take a joke”. At the beginning of my coming out process my oldest brother said, about something we were watchign on TV: “no offense, but that’s really gay.” I had been conditioned my whole life to laugh at jokes about women and gayness and nerds and jews, plus racist classist xenophobic etc… and in that moment I laughed along. But it’s not funny anymore, nobody would miss those jokes if they were never made again, and now that there’s a whole new repertoire of comedy to choose from that’s funny smart AND doesn’t leave anyone at the butt of the jokes (and BRINGS diverse people in on the jokes that would normally be made at their expense to show just how unoriginal those jokes actually are), the world is so much FUNNIER.

You know what it really feels like though? It feels like finally, the bullies aren’t the popular kids. It feels like we don’t need to get in on that bullying in order to be in step with the zeitgeist. Because of diversity. Diversity did that. Diversity makes the world better, and that’s that.

Here is the trailer for Ansari’s new show:

Gender-flexible underthings

I’m very excited about this post. I love talking about underthings! Because I believe in the power of underthings. The articles of clothing that people don’t see have the power to transform us into secret super heroes. And we all know how fond superheroes are of showing off their underwear by wearing it over their outfits (here’s why, by the way; and here’s a better why).

Not everyone cares about underthings; some just want them to disappear on their bodies, and some opt out of them altogether. Whether underthings really matter to a person, either as functional/foundational elements or aesthetically pleasing outfits in and of themselves, is a matter of personal preference. But for me personally, I see underwear as a piece of personal expression that nobody else (or a very select audience!) will witness. I mean, the first masculine clothing I bought was boxer briefs. My first racy bra was something nobody else saw because I was a virgin at the time, but I felt so awesome in it! My fraught relationship with my body is sometimes at its best when I’m wearing nothing but underwear; there’s no “work-appropriate” or “flattering”, there’s just me and my body. And lately, I’ve been experiencing a need to shake stuff up, and not just to bind my chest flat but to wear it proudly.

I’m all over the gender spectrum, but when it comes to undergarments, there is something super awesome about lingerie shopping. For one, many lingerie websites (especially gender-inclusive ones) are starting to include larger models, making for a more accurate (and empowering) shopping experience. When curvy models appear for a special line of “curvy” clothing for some website or another, it’s like they’re throwing women a bone… a curvy bone… wrapped in drapey, ill-fitting smocks. With lingerie, there is no hiding the body behind a black frumpy t-shit–which I mean, how long did it take them to design that?! 3 minutes? Some designer deserves the “biggest slacker” prize for that one. (This used to be my beef with ASOS, but it looks like they have a decent selection. More on ASOS in a sec.)

For another, if you are a sexual person (which not everyone is), there’s something about privately sexualizing one’s own body that is really empowering. Whether that means binders/tanks + men’s briefs, or racy bras + boxers, or all out femme-lacy-glamour, displaying one’s body for the benefit of a select audience (oneself, a partner, many partners) can feel awesome. Or even if you’re not a sexual person, maybe knowing that you can choose your own undergarments–regardless of the pressures you feel to present a certain way when clothed, in a world that wants to sexualize you–can also feel empowering. I can’t speak to the asexual experience, so I’ll spend the rest of the time speaking personally about assuming a sexual experience.

Sometimes when my relationship with my body is at its worst, there is one force that can overpower my body shame: my sexuality. Engaging with said sexuality is a very empowering experience in my own body, whether alone or with a partner. For me to not just be okay getting naked, but to WANT to show off my body in undergarments I choose, which reflect my own personal beauty standards, is a pretty awesome experience.

Since I’m all over the gender maps (some days I bind, some days I go all lace and frills), I wind up doing gender very differently through my undergarments depending on the day. But while my external clothing is usually on the tomboy-femme region of the spectrum, my true feelings about my gender on a particular day are reflected by what I’m wearing underneath.

As far as my current selection: I own zero thongs (they are the makings of the devil), a couple plain bikini briefs, several lace-y but casual boyshorts, some boxer-briefs, and a few boxers (mostly for sleeping). The distribution is about 50/50 men’s and women’s underwear. I also own an even distribution of binders, sports bras, and underwire bras.

I’m typically for practicality, but lately I’ve gone in the pursuit of fun. I wrote once about how I love boxer-briefs, which are predominantly for men but I always pick femme-y patterns for them. Now I’ve gone in search of funderwear for women that also captures the level of androgyny I’m interested in exuding. But a lot of lingerie (especially sustainable eco-friendly brands, and especially androgynous brands) caters to A-C cups, is only available abroad, is perpetually out of stock, or is uber expensive. Maybe, if they’re perpetually out of stock, there’s a sizable market there that someone should take advantage of! Ever think of that?! And ALSO maybe more bigger-chested women want the option of not having pastel-colored lacy padded craziness?! Anyways.

I like masculinity some days, but other days I don’t. But if I force myself to embody masculinity as my way of expressing androgyny, I’m not really being myself. So I’m looking for a better balance to express my gender in an androgynous manner.

So what does androgyny in lingerie even entail?? Best to defer to an expert on this one. The Lingerie Addict says this:

Much of the time, androgyny ends up being defined by absences. The “androgynous model” is often someone with no facial hair, minimal curves, no heavy musculature. To a degree, we “read” people’s genders by running down a checklist of traits like these. Breasts? Probably female. Beard? Probably male. Both? Takes a little more figuring out. When we look at clothing, the ideas are more abstract. We look at fit, color, and design elements to get a sense of what gender the piece of clothing is oriented towards.

Lingerie that doesn’t do the traditional girly moves, or lingerie that downplays feminine-coded parts of the body, definitely is part of my definition of androgyny. But there’s another way for lingerie to be androgynous, and that’s by not just minimizing gender, but by counterbalancing it.

Brands often create androgyny in their lingerie by adding masculine elements to a garment intended for women (or more rarely, the opposite: some feminine detailing on a garment intended for men.) Play Out includes a thick, labeled waistband on their underwear (a typically masculine feature), which they pair with tropical florals and abstract prints which are less gendered. Other companies use contrast piping and Y-fronts on underwear cut for women in order to give it a more androgynous feel.

But masculinity and androgyny are not the same thing. Some people will assume that if you’re wearing all masculine underwear and happen to have two X chromosomes, that means that your lingerie look is androgynous. I don’t think this is always true. Some masculine-of-center folks don’t convey much androgyny in their looks at all: they look masculine, full stop. I think that the exact tipping point between androgynous and masculine (or androgynous and feminine) is a matter of taste and consensus, but often for a look to be androgynous, the wearer has to be balancing elements.

So either you can create androgyny by subtracting feminine qualities or by adding masculine qualities.

In the category of subtracting femininity, the stuff I tend to prefer includes:

  • Wider straps over thin straps.
  • Racerback/T-back over normal straps.
  • No bows, no frills, absolutely NO rhinestones.
  • Minimal lace; mesh is a nonoffensive alternative. Big cutouts and strappy details are awesome as well.
  • Color alternatives to black/white/red/pink, including more masculine/sporty colors like blues, greens, oranges, grays, and browns.
  • Anything but a push-up. PLEASE. DEAR GOD SAVE US FROM THE UBIQUITOUS PUSHUP. This can be surprisingly annoying, but there do seem to be more options these days.

And in the category of balancing:

  • Wearing something masculine on the bottom and feminine on top, or neutral on top and feminine on the bottom, or neutral and neutral. Eg boxer-briefs with a girly bra, or a sports bra with lacy underwear.
  • Wide thick straps and structure coupled with lace
  • Wide waistbands on feminine briefs
  • Lace in blue/green/orange/gray
  • Guy’s shorts and a baggy hoodie with really girly underthings

The Lingerie Lesbian has some examples that I can get on board with. As does Autostraddle.

If you’re curious, I’ve found a few affordable (ish) options to buy stuff, including a lot of Etsy shops. Encompassing a wide range of gender identities and expressions, here they are:

  • OrigamiCustoms on Etsy. My favorite on this list. They are great because they’re eco-friendly, very androgynous in their styling, and also super queer friendly, with several non-boring unisex and genderqueer/trans* listings, for transmasculine or transfeminine folk. Also, they carry a binder in like a million colors!

  • Majorey on Etsy, which have things like this blue/mesh sports bra. About as sexy-tomboy as you can get. They have some really sexy stuff period.

  • IHeartNorwegianWood on Etsy. I know, a lot of Etsy… it’s where it’s at! They carry lots of mesh, leather, strappy stuff, and even some non-black non-leather harnesses which is cool cuz you can wear it with any bra that suits your gender expression or even over clothing. Kindof a cool concept. Skews feminine, though with minimal frills or lace or pink. A really cool tomboy-femme aesthetic.

  • Other Etsy shops:
  • Foxers, a somewhat new shop that has everything from thongs to all-over lace boxers to boyshorts to boxerbriefs to men’s boxers; and just like with Stonemen, the styling doesn’t deviate too much between the “men’s” and the “women’s”, just the cut. They also carry lace bras and sports bras and tanks. They’re not my favorite aesthetic for some reason, but they’re otherwise great and you should check em out.

  • If we’re talking affordable, ASOS is the way to go, for masculine or feminine lingerie.
    • Starting on the masculine side, they have all these fun colorful boxers and boxer-briefs. I love when there are really sexy masculine options (like these) because honestly, are cis heterosexual men the only ones turned on by sexy underwear? Maybe if I hadn’t hooked up with so many guys wearing stretched out, worn out boxers I would still be straight! (kidding!!) They also have non-sexy fun options like this polkadotted awesomeness. My favorite place for affordable masculine underwear.
      • Sidenote: there are other places to buy stuff along same vein as the first pair of “sexy masculine” boxer-briefs, see here and here.
    • As for tomboy stuff/masculine-styled undethings, they definitely deliver, with this and this. It’s pretty great. They even carry some nice Nike sports bras (which I think are pretty ineffective for my rack of lamb, but hot/masculine-of-center and aesthetically pleasing nonetheless.
    • They also have a lot of kink-inspired but not full-on bondage-y stuff that is really hot. Call me a wimp but I don’t feel like I gel with an all-leather harness or explicit bondage-wear; I do however love the straps and the risque styling of some of these pieces, which leave off lace and bows (I seriously think I’m allergic). See here and here and also here. Oh yeah, and they have some great fuller-bust options as well, and their sizes go up to a 40FF.
  • A practical but more femme option for bigger busts, Freya are awesome. So this one time when I had gone up a cup size yet again I went shopping with my mom for bras, and I bought a few of these, plus a couple cheaper DKNY/etc options. And of course, I hardly ever wore the cheap ones and stuck to the two Freya ones I bought. For underwire bras, they are tied with Calvin Klein in my book; yes they’re pretty feminine but they have some inoffensive, fuller-coverage, basic, and sports-bra styles. They’re kindof on the more expensive side, but they sometimes go on sale. Either way they don’t really break the bank.
  • Last but not least, Bluestockings Boutique is a super inclusive online shop, where there’s no such thing as “nude” colored bras because i mean, since when does everyone look like a bandaid? They also have binders and packing briefs as well as femme options. Check ’em out.

For other resources, check out The Lingerie Addict and The Lingerie Lesbian for amazing queer-inclusive body-positive feminist smart discussions of something that traditionally caters to the male gaze and to femme-of center women. It’s pretty awesome.

Also, HerRoom has a (women’s) lingerie guide for men! It looks like it caters more to cross-dressers in their language, but nevertheless it’s very comprehensive for MAAB-bodied people, I think; correct me if I’m wrong. And they have reviews by male customers.

What are your opinions on underthings?

Lea Delaria, OITNB season 3, queer masculinity

A rambly post about a couple things.

I don’t know if I mentioned a few weeks ago that at a social-justice-y burlesque show I saw with GF, Lea Delaria performed a powerful rendition of this song, and it was effing amazing. Also she’s basically my height!!! I got really excited about that. But more importantly she’s an incredibly talented singer! Ayways, she recently appeared on Conan to sing a snippet of Bowie:

Big Boo + Bowie… amazing. I just wanted to share.

Speaking of OITNB, I’m not a huge fan of this season. I’m only halfway, but I’m having a hard time finishing; I really wish there was a little more. I hate what happened to Daya and to Nichols, but I feel like those were good plots; they moved forward, they had purpose. Red’s plot line was great as well. Other plot lines, I really don’t get:

  • I know that Piper wasn’t the main character, but I wish she’d shown some development. She’s bratty and snooty as ever.
  • Chang’s plot gives me a lot of feels, but I don’t totally understand it. She seems to have been totally abandoned in prison; does she not have any money in commissary? She doesn’t even have toothpaste. But where did she get the phone? I also wish her character was more empowered; she says snarky comments in response to racist/judgmental comments, to show that she is a person (calling people “lesbian”… maybe in response to being called Chang; letting people know she can hear them: “eyes squinty but ears work fine”). But she seems to have no relationships within the prison or without. And also the final flashback scene when she was in the warehouse and the man who refused to marry her because she was ugly called her undesirable one last time; instead of devaluing his opinion, she continues to take the comment to heart, crying as she orders the men to… well. I guess that’s more realistic than her rising above beauty standards.
  • Poussey was drinking because she didn’t have a girlfriend? really?!
  • Will I ever get through an Alex/Piper scene without gagging?
  • Why does Alex like Piper?
  • Why does Stella like Piper?
  • Why was the reveal of Ruby Roses’s character so awkward? Like she’s suddenly there smirking across the warehouse? Why?

This season is interesting, but a little bit weird.

Also, on the topic of queer masculinity, Buzzfeed had this interesting discussion on the topic. There are things that I do very girly and things that I do very boyish, but if I measure my success at being either one, I fail. The people in this roundtable have an interesting take on gender, moving the discussion beyond “masculine vs feminine”, and why people are afraid of deconstructing gender. There are many good excerpts, such as this:

Thomas: I’ve written about gender and masculinity specifically for a lot of different audiences for many years, and I’ve never sugarcoated my truth nor have I presumed that readers won’t understand it. I’ve approached people with the expectation that they can do better than “born in the wrong body” and I’ve challenged everyone I’ve interacted with to think of their own gender, and its intentional construction, as a spiritual and potentially revolutionary act. I don’t know why I’m trans. Gender is not a performance for me, in the simplistic way I viewed identity as a young person. It’s also not the construction projected on me. It’s something messy and beyond. There’s a freedom in that, and also a kind of terror for most people. Because if we can’t signify with our bodies in legible ways that are easily and entirely translated, in what other ways is our universe not what it seems?

Van: I think the more we understand gender and its connections to other identities, the more we can generate love and empathy in the world. We would place more value on the lives in the margins and do what we can to ensure their survival. I say, let’s continue to expand these conversations, let’s discuss ways to create healthy masculinity that upholds accountability and uplifts femme-of-center folks and trans women of color, but also illuminates and recenters self-love for masculine-of-center folks.

Gabby: The closer any of us get to the ideal standard of beauty for men or women, the more praise we receive from the public at large. If you’re a dyke, be a dyke, but don’t be a “manly one.” If you’re a trans woman, they want you to look as much like what’s considered a “real woman” as possible. Universe save you if you fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum and don’t rush to make a choice they consider appropriate — they don’t want us. And as a brown person of color without considerable means, reaching those standards in either direction is challenging.

Ari: That’s the important piece here. The range is wide and far. There are many of us who do not pass — and frankly don’t want to! — and those are the narratives we don’t see. I present masculine on a Tuesday and sometimes might present feminine on a Thursday. This freaks both queer and larger communities out. The world loves to be “progressive” and stand by you, as long as they understand where you fit.

Read the whole transcript on Buzzfeed.

Movie review: “Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same”

You may not have heard of it, but it’s the most baller for its dollar:

This one is actually really super entertaining. I watched it with the person I’m sorta dating (because labels, man) and if we ever last I credit this movie.

I thought it’d be either way too weird and artsy for me or really boring and terribly done. It could have been stupid or cheesy. But I was pleasantly surprised! And given the budget and the limited cast, it was wonderfully rich and full of surprises.

So this is not your typical lesbian movie. It looks like a 1950s hokey scifi movie but it was made in 2011. There were few femmes and no glamorous sex, although there was some pretty steamy nose-rubbing and heartbreaking cheesecake. It’s in black and white.  It was produced for less than $8000 on kickstarter: it was truly a labor of love.

Aliens from a far away planet fear damage to their ozone layer is caused by big emotions, i.e. love– BEAR WITH ME HERE GUYS. If any alien is found guilty of big feelings, they get sent to Earth to break their hearts because human interactions are known to cause heartbreak. So they get to Earth on a mission to find love so they can experience true heartbreak. A lonely middle-aged lesbian who works at a stationary store waits for the day someone special comes along; lo and behold, someone comes along who is out of this world. Zoinks, an alien, gives her a love card and big emotions ensue. They are stalked by the CIA. Two other aliens, Zylar and Barr, are on the same quest, but after a passionate cheesecake-fueled afternoon one of Barr falls in love with Zylar while Zylar goes out to lesbian bars and parties her butt off and picks up more girls than Shane.

Zylar’s my faves. She goes on awkward dates trying to blend in with earthlings, tries her hand at online dating, and even puts out a youtube video to attract potential female suitors.

So real life.

There’s a lot of cute. This is cute:

And this:

And this:

This film about adorably sensitive space aliens will make you feel more human than ever.

Oh and P.S. Madeline Olnek has some really smart things to say about the film.

Fun stuff from the Toast to read on a Friday: Dune geekery and Bend it like Beckham Femslash

I have to share this awesome bit of geekery, courtesy of The Toast, for those of you who may have read Dune. It’s a few plot highlights, in their own words.


STILGAR: you who are known as Usul among us must choose your desert name
PAUL: just call me Paul
STILGAR: but you are already called Paul
it is a great honor, to be given a desert name
PAUL: ok fine
my desert name is Stilgar
STILGAR: that is my name
you must choose your own name
PAUL: ok i pick bill
call me desert bill
PAUL: jesus
whats that by your foot
STILGAR: that is a mouse —
PAUL: great
thats my desert name
STILGAR: we call it the Muad’D —
PAUL: i already said its my desert name
i dont need you to compose a fucking poem about it
Read more at http://the-toast.net/2014/12/12/dirtbag-paul-atreides/#Ci9cKE0BbxmEVsGv.99

In the most egregious case of queerbating of our generation, Bend it like Beckham should totes have been about two queer women. Instead, they fight over a stupid guy. I mean he’s hot and all, but they are so much better together than they are with him. Have you ever seen such a power couple? Anyways, you’re not the only one outraged about it. Even if the movie was an excellent portrayal of first-generation immigrant families that I found really validating, because growing up different is never easy. But it’s easier if you ship everyone, I find.