Ugh. Hooking up with sperm-producing individuals is so fraught. There is a lot more trust involved, and that makes me feel inevitably disappointed when their level of vulnerability does not match mine.
I had a date tonight with a slightly older woman, and it was wonderful. I’m tired of dating younguns who don’t know what they want. But I’m also tired of older people who don’t know what they want.
It doesn’t help that I’m not among my things, not living near my friends, and that my self-care routine is non-existent. Instead I drink, smoke, and date people who are as unhealthy as the food I’m eating. Only 2 weeks til I move and start fresh…
Basically, and I know this isn’t cool these days, but I’d love to either be alone or enjoy monogamous partnership. I’m tired of the in-between; it’s a young woman’s game, and it’s a waste of time. But then I get lonely, and one “hey what’s up?” later I’m giving space in my life to someone I loathe.
I assume this will get better when I move.