As I left my therapist’s office (we started talking about how not to end up like my mother, the true american dream), I saw I had a text from a friend asking to go get ice cream, sent half an hour earlier. Then another one 5 minutes later: “Nevermind, I’m going to go now.” I responded that I’d been in an appointment up until then, and she said she was back in lab. “Man, I have such narrow windows of time during which to catch you,” I texted. “Yeah, I needed more immediate cheering up,” she responded.
This makes me so angry, I don’t know why. Because she reaches out with an unrealistically high expectation for what I’ll be able to do for her? Because she only reaches out when she immediately needs a friend? Because maybe we’re not that close and I just don’t know what I can do for her?
I actually brought this up with my therapist in connection to my mom: I don’t know if I can ever please her. She does take out some blame on her kids, with or without meaning to, and I don’t know what to do with that. Do I indulge her? Do I shout at her? I’ve slowly learned to let things go, but shouldering blame is a frustrating thing.
I’m starting to feel really weird about my friendships, like, I don’t know, they’re increasingly tenuous. I know I’ll move in the next couple years, and maybe I’m starting to pull up my roots. But sometimes, I just don’t know what people want from me, or what I want from other people.